Letter from an Adoptive Mother

This is a very helpful letter I just got from our adoption agency I thought I'd share.

Dear Parents,
Approaching this voyage as a great adventure and greeting it with flexibility is the best thing you can do for yourself. Remember that the country to which you are going is the birthplace of your child. It will be nice to have good memories of your trip to share with your child as she/he grows up.

Here are some thoughts/suggestions from a mother who has adopted from China:

(1) Expect enormous obstacles to fall into your path.
(2) Expect to feel like everything is disintegrating.
(3) Expect to feel out of control.
(4) Stay calm.
(5) Be confident that everything will work out. Solutions WILL be found to all the enormous obstacles.
(6) The Chinese officials DO want the process to succeed.
(7) Treat your hosts with respect and appreciation.
(8) Do not exhibit anger and/or indignation.
(9) Do not be afraid of requesting the information and help you need.
(10) Understand that the Chinese love their children.
(11) Do not expect to meet your child in a calm and quiet environment.
(12) Try to ask all the questions you have about your child's history but do not expect to be able to ask or get answers to all the questions you may have about your child's history.
(13) You may bond with your child immediately.
(14) You may not bond with your child for days, weeks or even months.
(15) You WILL bond with your child.
(16) Be calm, follow your instincts and do not condemn yourself for any doubts you may have.
(17) Vent your fears and frustrations to your partner or to a close friend.
(18) Understand that you represent the parents who are yet to travel to China for their children.
(19) Don't drink the tap water. You CAN take showers without getting water into your mouth.
(20) The boiled water in the hotel thermos really is boiled and safe.
(21) Bring two Rubbermaid graduated quart bottles to cool it in and to mix formula.
(22) Bring mostly soy based formula for your baby.
(23) Snuglis, or any of the carry slings, are great for transporting your baby.
(24) The Chinese tend to swarm around you when you go out with your baby. Don't be afraid of letting them see the baby and don't be afraid of withdrawing her from view when you feel you must.
(25) If you have never been to China, expect it to be completely different from any place you have ever been.
(26) Keep your paper work in one organized packet. Put all new documents and photos in this packet. Take the packet with you whenever you must accomplish any official function. Keep this packet with you as much as possible.
(27) Always keep your and your child's passports on your person.
(28) Don't lose your sense of humor. Your hosts have a sense of humor too.
(29) Do not introduce politics into discussions.
(30) When leaving China, check your luggage through to the US if you are changing planes in Hong Kong, Beijing or Shanghai if the airline allows you to do this, for this will save you a lot of time.
(31) Ask other parents of children from China about their experiences. Be sure to speak to families who traveled to the same city as you and/or who have traveled during the same season.
(32) Expect this experience to be one of the most exciting of your life.
(33) Expect to be exhausted even before you receive your child. The emotional and psychological strain on this trip is enormous.
(34) Expect to be even more exhausted once you receive your child.
(35) Expect to play with your child and begin to establish your own routines with her/him from the very first minute you are together.
(36) Through trial and error make sure that the holes in your bottle nipples are large enough for a baby who is used to getting her formula rather quickly. (Some families choose to use the standard American nipple for they feel it is better for the baby’s speech in months to come.) Some babies are use to sugar added to their formula, so this is a question all families should ask the care giver.
(37) Don't use the pacifier because it may impede language development.
(38) The home recipe for pedialyte (used to counteract dehydration) is one level teaspoon of sugar and one pinch of salt in eight ounces of water.
(39) Bring antibiotics for your baby but do not administer them until you have consulted with a physician.
(40) Bring some food stuffs for yourself. Eating some meals in your hotel room makes life easier.
(41) Shop in the local stores in China. Find foods from China that you enjoy snacking on.
(42) Do not expect your American adoption agency or facilitator to meet all your needs or to tell you everything you need to know, they do their very best, sometimes you need to just figure it out yourself.
(43) If something goes wrong try to concentrate on how to move forward and solve the problem.
(44) Let go of trying to figure out who is to blame and who will pay for the mistake.
(45) If you are told your child is “shy”, the child may take a little longer to go through the grieving process. Give her time to grieve on her own. When she is ready to bond with you, she will.
(46) If you feel overwhelmed, upset, scared, worried, or anything else which makes you feel like something is going wrong with your adoption, please do not panic. Reach out to the other families in your group. Some of them may know exactly how you feel because they have gone through the process before or are feeling the same feelings that you are feeling. Families can provide emotional support for each other.
(47) The only real mistake is wasting energy on anything unnecessary to getting and then keeping your baby happy and healthy.
(48) By the time you return home you will feel as if you have been away for a lifetime.
“You have”.